By Ryan Carpe firstname.lastname@example.org
April 2, 2014
GREENVILLE - Monday night marked the uproarious final meeting of the Greenville Chapter of the National Association of Amalgamated Liars, informally referred to as the Liar’s Club.
The club had been in continual operation since 1927 under formal bylaws scribed by the honorable James Milton Light, and religiously obeyed by his successors James Wilbur Light, Robert James Light, Daniel Patrick Light and William Charles Light.
Because of its early establishment and active membership, it was previously the longest continuously running club in all of Darke County, and originally held its meetings under the auspices of the Darke County Sportsman Club.
At its core, the Liar’s Club remains a secret Christian men’s organization whose members abstained from strong drink, tobacco and women of questionable morals.
With the organization’s final meeting, members may be left to their own devices.
During each annual meeting, members are invited to boisterously joke, jest, jape, mock, prank and especially wisecrack with their fellow compatriots.
Throughout the evening, members participate in irreverent ceremonies and humorous skits.
Anything goes at the Liar’s Club, as members enjoy the one night each year where they can speak freely and enjoy no repercussions.
The Liar’s Club also initiates at least one new member each year, usually in hilariously underhanded and sneaky ways.
In past annual meetings, candidates have been “arrested” by Darke County Sheriff deputies for various offenses in an attempt to bring the unsuspecting men to the meeting.
On Monday, two candidates were picked up under suspicion of trafficking volatile gunpowder to supply the Greenville cannon.
Both members were then initiated into the club in what proved to be a riotous affair.
Matt Kolb and Scott Fitzgerald earned their place among the Amalgamated Liars by sitting through the meeting handcuffed, forced to sit on toilets, being berated by boisterous members, and ultimately sprayed with a fire extinguisher.
All in all, the members celebrated a fantastic final meeting. So much so, that they may even do it again next year.