As many of you know, I love humor, and I try to spread some of that around so I’m here to share another funny email I received recently. It’s about paraprosdokians, which are reportedly figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous.
I guess Winston Churchill loved them, and I enjoyed the ones sent to me. Her are some of the ones I picked out:
• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
• Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• They begin the evening news with “Good Evening,” then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Where there’s a will, there are relatives.
• Ansonia is going to be really busy Tuesday and Wednesday with everyone celebrating the Fourth of July. There are lots of events planned at the city park and American Legion, so plan to attend.
• Next VFW breakfast at Ansonia American Legion is July 14 from 6 a.m. to noon. Served will be all-you-can-eat pancakes, French toast, eggs and sausage as well as a drink. Cost is $7 for those ages 12 and older and $3.50 for those ages 6 to 12.
• July 3 to Jim Dull, Sharon Deeter, Susanne Barga, Kayla Widener, Spring Fox, Chloe Heck, Norman Dickey, Sue Detling, Vicki Woodbury, Debbie Nisonger (50), Al Perdue, Kent Shinn, Dr. Delbert Blickenstaff, Laura Rieman and Marilyn Owens.
• July 4 to Mike Strawser, Lynne Gump, Dale Monnin, Trudy Koverman, Angie Sowers, Dan Hollinger (70) and Sharon Deschambeau.
• July 5 to Janet Riffell Bowers, Brenda “Bill” Ungericht Riffell, Gail McKnight, Angie Petitjean Marker, Breanna Burnfield (18), Dylan Stump, Angie Brown, Eileen McKnight, Tom Parin (65) and Gerald Lucas (85).
• July 6 to Dawn Young Lavy, Bill Hartzell, Landon Smith, Greenville Mayor Mike Bowers, Dena Wuebker, Karin Napier, Edna Batty and Rick Gump.
• July 7 to Mike Grilliot, Michelle Brumbaugh Jones, Leona Dickey, Greg Hiestand, Noah Gates, Lisa Cole, Ashley Whittington, Ma Kitten, Randall Breaden, Justin Jordan, Mariah Wappelhorst (21), Ryan Everman and Lisa Mangen.
• July 8 to Todd Kaiser, Shane Buckingham, Kristy Woodard, Brittany Bowers (21), Velma Lowder, Bryar Gilland (15) and Jason Kelch.
• July 9 to Linda Thobe Frye, Linda Gasper, Karen Dickey, Rhonda Rhoades Williams, Zane Keller Sr., Bill Staver, Keith Holton, Jaimi Hemmerich, Byron Young (5), Ashley Leeper, Mason Perez, Donnie Norton and Ed Collins.
Happy belated birthday to: Troy Wombold and Justin Fritz on June 28.
Happy anniversary: July 3 to Sherry and Ray Prasuhn; July 4 to Shirley and Gene Yohey and Dan and Teri Small; July 5 to Carrie (Schmidt) and James Hackney Jr. (15), Tom and Spring Fox (15) and Ted and Stephanie Adkins (15); July 6 to Dan and Beth (Cline) Turner; July 7 to Evelyn and Dennis Sebring; July 8 to Audrey (Guthrie) and Brian K. Hathaway and Barbara and Robert Olwine; and July 9 to Steve and Linda Nixon.
Please keep these people in your thoughts and prayers: Mac Goodpaster, Mary Thacker, Alberta Aukerman, Rick Jones of Ansonia, Curtis Miller, Gene Yohey, Tom and Marilyn Smith, Susan North, Bob Jones of Ansonia, Chuck Davis, Cindi Aukerman, Rick Clear, Dolores Nestor, Linda Lore, Clinton Randall, Jane Dynes, Rylee Blanken, Don Denniston, Becky York, David “Red” Kremer, Steve Greer, Julie Widener, Deputy Dave Werling, Goethe Rhodeheffer, Tom Brumbaugh, Mike Custer, Maxine Didier, Karen Meier, Barbara Martin, Dana Holzapfel, Gayle Rismiller, Kara Didier, Mike Rammel, Ed Widener, Nick Voisard, Kathy Swabb, Laura Harman, Joe Whittington, Jared Marker of Fremont, Linda Manos, Tod Fink, Dorothy Rismiller, Gertie VanDePitte, Bea and Lee Moody, Judy Henry, Joe Fortkamp, Betty (Koons) Tinkham, Tom Henry, Tater McCollum, Jim Moody, Carla Welch, Keith Hiegel, Amber Kiser, Mike Collins, Chad Wert, Vickie Martin, Mary Hannan, Kathy Black, Jeremy Litten, Mike Walter, Kathy Walter, Deanna Jones, Betty Grimes, Greg Eubank, Alice Broering, Peter King, Ralph and Sandy Henning, Terry Black Sr., Shane Wetzel, Brandy Reier, Gene Sharp, Shannon Peters Hall, Holli Anderson, JoAnne Foreman, Lester Ward, Stephanie Klingshirn, Karen Newbauer, Harold McKnight, Greg St. Myers, Paul Hodson, Kenny Blackburn, Rusty Edwards, Zane Wetzel, Sherry Prasuhn, Dick Foureman, Leann Ressler, Rick Gump, Roger Harbison, Steve Sewell, Mamie Warrick, Pauline Powell, Meta Sue Livingston, Eddie Rhoades, Gertie Hampshire, Jack Wyatt, Mike and Brenda Grimes, Don Hittle, Steve Holden, Judy Henderson Barga, Stacy Mortensen, Jeff Schricker, D.J. Miller, Bill Schuette and all of our military people.
Think about it: It is not the fact of liberty but the way in which liberty is exercised that ultimately determines whether liberty itself survives. - Dorothy Thompson
Jamie and i send out our condolences to the families of Rae Beemer and Jon Keith Maloon.
Linda Moody is features editor for the Daily Advocate. Her column appears every Sunday. She can be reached at email@example.com.