Did you know that 45 percent of all Americans make New Year’s resolutions? Statistics report that after six months only 40 percent have made progress on their resolutions. Contrary to widespread public opinion, a considerable proportion of New Year resolvers do succeed. What’s more, scientific research indicates that you are 10 times more likely to change by making a New Year’s resolution compared to non-resolvers with the identical goals and comparable motivation to change.
So you think this year is the one? Here are the few funny resolutions for the New Year:
James Agate: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. Eric Zorn: Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.
Jay Leno: Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.
Bill Vaughn #1: An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in; a pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Bill Vaughn #2: Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
Oscar Wilde: Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
Robert Paul: I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.
John Seldon: Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it’s twice as onerous a duty.
Oprah Winfrey: Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
Benjamin Franklin: Be at war with your vices; at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.
Anonymous New Year’s resolution #1: A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Anonymous # 2: People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.
If one of your resolutions is to start exercising, remember that Arcanum-Butler Local Schools is open to the public for adult walking Monday-Thursday evenings from 6:00-8:00 p.m., through March 28, 2013. Walking is restricted to the first floor tiled hallways.
“To make 2013 your year, keep it simple:
1) Count your blessings first;
2) Whatever you did last year, Do it better;
3) Go step by step, One day at a time;
4) Create/make your own opportunities;
5) Believe in your abilities at all times;
6) Quitting is not an option. Keep going;
7) Finish what you started.” ~ Pablo
Vickie Rhodehamel is a volunteer citizen columnist, who serves Daily Advocate readers weekly with her Arcanum community column. She can be reached by calling 937-692-6188, by e-mail at email@example.com. Viewpoints expressed in these opinion pieces are the work of the author. The Daily Advocate does not endorse these viewpoints or the independent activities of the author.